Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
