oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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