You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
