She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
