I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I want a musical about memes.
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