So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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