All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
