This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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