I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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