I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
