Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
