I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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