on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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