Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
