1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I'm at about main and main street
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
