i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
MIDGETS
????
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize