When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
where am i from again
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
