I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
