Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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