the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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