Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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