capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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