Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
