I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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