hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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