her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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