"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
