I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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