At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
