I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
