Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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