my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
me + whiskey = a bad person
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
