Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
