omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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