You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
