with your own penis?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
