My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
