I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
