dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
