he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
You're like the curious george of whores
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
