i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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