I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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