I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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