i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
