Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
