Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
He felt like a one man threesome
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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