i think i have herpe
just one?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
