ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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