in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
