you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
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