I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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