Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
