i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm getting married
To pizza
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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