my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
