i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
