I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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