Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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