yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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