to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
