We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
