Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
