respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
