I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
