if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
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