Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
