you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
