I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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