its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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