I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
