"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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