K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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